


Whisper Love In The Heat Of War

by RadioactivePaws



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bottom Lexa, F/F, F/M, G!p Lexa, Mostly Fluff, Smut and Fluff, Top Clarke, Violence and angst, War, and SMUT, but also some, i dont feel like tagging more characters and relationships, idk who else to tag, mostly just due to ya know war but still, occational top Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6560791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadioactivePaws/pseuds/RadioactivePaws
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After discovering the slaughter in the field, Clarke decides to stand with Lexa and her people instead of Skaikru. They go to war with anyone who doesn't wish to escape to Polis to remain the Thirteenth Clan with Wanheda becoming Heda's right hand.</p><p>The archive warning is there for later chapters where battles will be involved and such </p><p>It's mostly a smut/fluff fic that will involve the violence and angst having to do with the war BUT mostly gonna be smut fluff cause thats my jam</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Field Of Battle Is Not Always Clear

**Author's Note:**

> HEY FRIENDS
> 
> so this wasnt prompted at all I just really wanted to write it and I hope you like it. 
> 
> ALSO. it does have g!p Lexa because i basically only write Trans Lexa or Intersex Lexa so there ya go.

The world is made of smoke and blood, leaves crunching beneath boots as Clarke walks carefully through the battlefield. No, battlefield isn’t the right word and it leaves a bitter taste in the back of her throat. It’s a field of slaughter, so many innocent drops of blood suddenly drenching her hands as she tries to find anyone left alive.

Lexa has turned to stone behind her, mask of Heda firmly upon her face as she looks out over the expanse of death. They’d found Indra, put her in a hastily put together tent and now Clarke was trying to reconcile with the idea that her people had done this. 

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice was unsure even in its resolve, a soft undertone of grief lacing her words. “You said you would talk to them but do you really think you can find a way to fix this? I have tried to keep my word to Skaikru but this.. My people will want blood.” Clarke could hear the thick swallow that passed a moment later, the pained growl that seemed to resonate in Lexa’s chest. “I want blood.”

A stuttered gasp, light as a feather on the wind, caught her attention before she could answer Lexa. Tripping over her own feet as she ran through the dead, Clarke found a chest that still moved. Shallow and thick with blood, breath didn’t come easy to the man that looked up at Clarke like she were the hand of death herself. Fitting, she thought as she knelt down beside him.

“Wan..Heda..” The word was stilted and heavy, drenched in the blood filling his body cavity, a trickle of it slipping from his lips. 

“Shh.” Clarke knew she couldn’t save him, knew he was unlucky enough to still be breathing in this state. “What’s your name?”

A thick swallow was followed by a hacking cough, Clarke turning his head gently to help him breathe. “Daks.”

As gently as she could, Clarke ran her hand through his hair as her free hand grabbed the dagger attached to his hip. “Okay, Daks..” Taking a deep breath, Clarke steadied herself as she moved the dagger to his throat. His thankful gaze sent a shock of pain straight through her heart. “You fought well.” Swiftly, she thrust the blade into his throat and watched as he relaxed into the ground. “Yu gonplei ste odon.”

The pain that remained heavy in her chest at his death was mildly alarming. She hadn’t known this man, none of these warriors were known to her, yet their still bodies screamed at her to find their justice. To not allow her people to get away with this. This was no longer about Skaikru and Trikru, it’s about those who can live in this world.

The gentle weight of Lexa’s hand on her shoulder brought a shaky breath from Clarke’s chest. “Clarke?” Her voice was quiet, gentle as it always was when they were alone. A spark of something dark flared deep in her belly, a need to find a sort of primal justice for this man. For them all. They had become her people the moment she knelt before Lexa and Lexa had returned the favor.

“Let me find a way to get a message to those who want to get out of Arkadia before the war.” A voice hit the air and it took Clarke a moment to recognize the sound as her own. It was filled with rage and sorrow, a deep gravelly tone that hadn’t come from her before. “This cannot stand.”

Lexa’s hand tightened it’s grip for a moment before she was helping Clarke to her feet and holding her arm out, their hands clutching at one another in the traditional grounder way. “The clans will be pleased, Clarke.”

Nodding slightly, Clarke’s features hardened as she looked back towards the tent that held Indra. “Tell them I no longer stand with the Skaikru that did this. My people are the ones that stand with Heda, that stand with the coalition.” Meeting Lexa’s gaze again, she could feel the heat that travelled along her spine at the look given to her. “I’ll be back soon with whoever I can sneak out and then we can plan our war.”

The next few moments were a whirlwind of orders, Lexa bringing Clarke a horse as she told the others to get Indra and their supplies ready for transport back to Polis. Once Clarke was settled on her horse, Lexa moved to her side with her hand clutching the hilt of her sword. They both watched as the others moved to get ready in the opposite direction of Clarke’s journey.

“I’ll see you soon, Heda.” Those words they’ve said before wouldn’t pass her lips again, not now, not when she had zero plans to be anywhere near death.

“I await your return, Wanheda.” Lexa’s lips pulled into a barely there smirk, filled with pride as she looked up at Clarke for a moment before moving back to her own horse. Clarke didn’t hesitate before she took off in a gallop towards what she used to consider a home.

The ride gave her an opportunity to think, to go over what she was about to do. A war with her own people, the people she’d been trying too hard to keep safe. The one’s she’d also sacrificed herself for, the ones who killed those who had become her people for no reason. She’d handed them peace and they’d filled it with gunpowder. 

“Clarke!” Her name, shouted into the cool evening air, was accompanied by the sound of hoofbeats coming to easily match her own. Octavia had noticed her before she’d even registered that she wasn’t alone. Nodding to the trees, Clarke led Octavia towards the trees, gradually slowing to a stop once they were fully covered by the leaves. “Did you see it?” Octavia’s face was worn, a pain in her eyes that Clarke hadn’t seen since Lincoln was nearly lost.

“I just came from the field. Only Indra survived.” That information brought a calm to Octavia’s shoulders even as she gasped and closed her eyes tight. “You know more than I do but.. Octavia.” The raw anger that sat in Clarke’s tone was laced with a hesitance that had Octavia looking at her sharply. “I can’t keep fighting for people who look down at everything I do for them. We had peace, I was bringing them the Queen of Azgeda, and I found death and the beginnings of a war they didn’t even think about before allowing it to begin.” Octavia’s face was darkening with each word, her hands tightening into fists even as she nodded. “I’m standing with Lexa and the coalition. They’ll be calling for blood for their people.. Our people. I’m going to offer a place in Polis for anyone who wants to stay as Skaikru of the coalition, the thirteenth clan. Anyone who refuses, who decides to stay at what is being looked at as the new Mountain, will be facing an army.”

Clarke watched the information process in Octavia’s mind, her head falling back as she simply breathed in the cool air of the woods. “I’m with you.” The statement came faster than Clarke thought possible, Octavia surprising her even more as she trained hard eyes onto her. “Ai laik Okteivia Kom Trikru, whether Indra accepts it or not, and I won’t let anymore people die because Arkadia thinks they’re the only ones who deserve to live here.”

Octavia filled Clarke in on the situation in Arkadia as they rode slowly towards her secret entrance in the back. By the time they’d hidden their horses and were entering the structure, Clarke was more than sure in her choice to stay by Lexa’s side on this. Her people had all but spit on the peace she’d handed them, giving her death back instead.

They split up in the hall, Octavia told Clarke the usual patrols and she just hoped neither of them got caught. Lexa would storm into Arkadia on her own if Clarke was harmed. The thought was sudden and sharp in her mind, a shockwave that Clarke had to blink rapidly away. Walking as softly as she could, Clarke slipped through the door to Raven’s room, sighing in relief when she was in fact inside. 

Raven spun around with a gasp, nearly losing balance before she caught herself. “Clarke!” Her shout was muted to a hissed whisper when Clarke put her hand over Raven’s mouth. 

“Shh!” Clarke looked back at the door, moving her hand from Raven once she was satisfied that no one would be barging in. “I have to tell you something important and I need you to listen carefully.”

There was a beat where Clarke thought Raven would question her but instead she simply motioned for her to continue. Clarke hoped it wasn’t the murder in her gaze that made her stop the comment on the tip of her tongue.

Explaining her plan to Raven took longer than anticipated and though Raven was with her, Clarke was rushing to get back to the exit Octavia had brought her in through. She knew the other girl would be waiting for her, most likely with a waiting smack for the back of her head.

When she reached the horses, Clarke was greeted with the anticipated smack.

The ride back was filled with talk of how their little mission had gone. Octavia had found Kane, as well as Clarke’s mother, and informed them of the plan. They seemed open to it, though war wasn’t what they wanted, and promised to get as many people out as they could. Raven was going to get as many of their friends out as she could as well. Their people would be in Polis within the next week.

Clarke pushed to ride through the night so they would arrive in Polis by the following evening if they rushed most of the way. She was determined to get back to the place she’d come to call home in such a short time. The images of Lexa waiting for her were a warmth in her chest that she tried to ignore. It had become a difficult thing, holding onto the anger she held towards the commander. Especially when she knew that anger was more towards herself.

The turn at the mountain was a blow, one that Clarke knew would always be a painful scar on her heart, but she also knew that it was something she would have done as well. As much as she wanted to deny it, if her people had the chance to come away unharmed, it would have been an opportunity she would have latched onto with both hands.

By the time the gate to Polis loomed before them, Clarke was half asleep on her horse. Octavia seemed fine, an endless energy fueled by rage keeping her ahead of Clarke for most of their ride. The guards at the gate bowed slightly when they spotted Clarke, a murmured Wanheda hitting the air as they let them into the city. Octavia’s questioning glance was pointedly ignored. Clarke was finally accepting her title, allowing herself to see how it fell from people’s lips with a mix of awe and fear. She drew her power from the awe and hoped that the fear would fade in time.

They left their horse with the guards at the gate, the winding roads to Lexa’s tower passing in a haze as Clarke led Octavia through the doors. No one questioned her as they wandered through to the elevators and the soft whispers of Heda had them knowing why quickly.

Lexa had claimed Clarke as her right hand. Wanheda was to stand with them in war. Anyone spoken for by Clarke was to be protected as one of their own. The idea of Lexa placing a very specific claim on her had Clarke’s head spinning as they traveled up to their rooms.

“You can stay in there.” Clarke pointed out the empty room across from her own as they reached their destination. “Mine is here and Lexa is just down there.” Rubbing her face, Clarke jolted slightly when she felt Octavia’s hand gently squeeze her arm. Looking up, she was met with a smile she hadn’t seen in what seemed like years. 

“Go speak to the commander and get some sleep, Clarke. We can be serious again in the morning.” It was then that Clarke saw the exhaustion in Octavia’s face, how her body sagged with the idea of a bed being so close.

They parted with soft nods at one another, the candles around Octavia’s door being quickly extinguished to allow her some privacy.  
Clarke immediately headed for Lexa’s room. She hesitated at the door, now knowing if Lexa would be there or at the war room. It was just after the time they usually ate dinner but that didn’t mean much. Her stomach rumbled at the idea of food and the thought of possibly finding Lexa in the kitchen sparked in her mind only to be chased away when she heard noise behind the door.

It took another moment of building her courage before Clarke finally pushed the door to Lexa’s room open. Walking inside, she looked around to try to find where the sound had come from. Her answer presented as Lexa jolting up from her bed, her hazy eyes harsh for a moment before they softened when she realized it was Clarke inside of her room. Hands moved up to rub at her cheeks and Clarke realized with a slight jolt that Lexa had been crying.

“You’re back?” Lexa’s voice was soft and scratchy in the quiet of her room, her eyes looking anywhere but Clarke’s face. “I told them not to bother me, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to meet with you when you arrived.” Clearing her throat, Lexa slid off of her bed to stand a little in front of Clarke, her hands nervously twisting together before she held them together behind her back. “I didn’t think you’d get here until the morning.”

“We didn’t stop.” Clarke’s own voice was gentle, as if she were afraid to break this moment. Lexa looked so small in front of her, every bit her age as she tried to hide the tear stained blush on her cheeks. “Did everything go alright today?”

Lexa swallowed and tried to straighten her back full as she nodded. “The other clans have accepted my decision to allow those still faithful to the coalition to reside in Polis until the war is over. They are pleased with my call for jus drein jus daun. The only one to try to speak against me was the representative from Azgeda but that was to be expected.”

Clarke’s eyes took in how Lexa tried to stand proud and official in front of her. There was still a softness to her face, however, and Clarke could see the subtle tremble in her bottom lip.

“Then why were you crying?” The words came before Clarke could stop them and she flinched at the way Lexa froze, her body stiffening to a point that it worried her. Then Lexa seemed to remember who asked her and her body relaxed so quickly that Clarke had to rush forward to catch her, to keep her from hitting the floor. Tears, hot and plentiful, hit Clarke’s neck and chest as Lexa buried her head there.

“So many died.. Even in peace, I find myself inside of a war.” Lexa’s words were carried on harsh panting breaths, her hands coming back to life to clutch at Clarke’s hips when she realized Clarke was hugging her tight. Being her anchor, keeping her from slipping deep into her grief. The commander could not afford to weep for the dead but this was a surprise and Lexa’s heart was heavy in her chest.

Clarke was there to help her weather the storm no one else could see her fighting to stay alive in.

“Lexa..” Clarke barely spoke, the name coming in a sigh as she slowly moved them both back towards Lexa’s bed. She didn’t hesitate before she helped Lexa onto the bed, wiping tears from her cheeks with the ghost of a touch. Following her up after Clarke removed her boots, they soon found themselves tangled closely together in the darkening room, scattered candles their only remaining light.

Clarke marvels at how small and soft Lexa seems, tucked into her side while burying her face into her chest to try to hide her tears. As gently as she can, Clarke moved about until the furs were pulled up around them both to create a warm and safe cocoon.

“You didn’t ask for this war. My people..” Clarke winced, her hold on Lexa tightening as she let out a shaky breath. “They didn’t want peace. All they seem to want is to have the earth all to themselves.”

Lexa peeked up from her spot, eyes tired and red though her tears had slowed to a near stop. “It’s not your fault, Clarke. If I couldn’t have predicted this then there’s no use in you thinking you could have either. I sent those warriors out there and you trusted your people to see them as friends. We did what needed to be done. The blame falls on those who killed them, those who looked at peace and chose war.”

Though her words were muffled against her shirt, Clarke had to smile. Lexa was trying to comfort her, tear stained and trembling Lexa was more focused on making her feel better than she was on her own grief.

“I’m glad you feel like you can cry with me, Lexa.” The confession had Lexa furrowing her brow, tired eyes growing wide as she realized just what was happening. The expression sparked a smile to Clarke’s face, her teeth snagging her bottom lip to hide it from Lexa. “It’s nice to know we can just be ourselves here and I think..” Clarke paused for a moment, swallowing as she considered her words. “I don’t hate you, Lexa. I don’t think I ever really did.” The responding gasp had Clarke’s heart stuttering in her chest.


	2. The Tide Of Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> once more with emotions and feelings because I don't know how to chill with Clexa.
> 
> also this chap mentions the fact that it's g!p Lexa. 
> 
> ayo.

Clarke felt her entire body warm and relax with her confession. Her hate, the buildup of anger and guilt that lived like a poltergeist in her chest, would be turned towards the people who were forcing her into another battle. The scars from the last war were plentiful and deep, still raw beneath her skin as she felt the kill mark of every soul she stole that night at the mountain. Her skin was clean but they were there, just beneath the surface.

Lexa shifted in her arms, moving to hover gently above Clarke with an expression of affectionate curiosity painted obviously across her features. One hand came up to cautiously trace the line of her jaw, strong finger trembling when Clarke pressed closer into her touch.

“I think I’ll always bear the scars of the mountain, I’ll always remember what happened.” Clarke could see the thick swallow in Lexa’s throat as she nodded. “I was angry and hurt but I never hated you, Lexa. Only myself.” At that Lexa’s eyes shot back up to Clarke’s, green meeting blue in a sorrowed gaze that stole the breath from Clarke’s lungs.

“I never wanted this for you.” Lexa sighed heavily, letting her head fall down so her forehead was pressed against the pillow. Clarke tilted her head towards her, nuzzling her nose into Lexa’s hair as her hands soothingly ran along her back. “I wished with every step that I could have brought you with me, led you away with all of our people to Polis.”

The air was filled with a quiet that struck them both in it’s calm, their words settling heavy but soothing into the dark. They’d said some of this, in quiet looks and gentle fleeting touches, over the past few days but nothing this concrete.

It was liberating and it helped to close the gap still between them. There would still need to be time to heal old wounds but now they could breathe without feeling the life drain from them, now every heartbeat wouldn’t bring agony.

As the next hour passed, they whispered more confessions, lightening their hearts until Clarke was nearly asleep with her head tucked into Lexa’s neck. Gentle hands were rubbing her back, her body exhausted as she let the last of her tears over their open hearts slide down her cheeks. Her emotions were raw and intense, their words moving to expose more of their pasts and what had happened to Clarke in her months in the wilderness.

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice was just as gone as her own, a tired weight residing in her throat. “Would you like to return to your room?”

The thought of being alone, of having to feel so much in the darkness on her own, sent a mild jolt of panic through Clarke. Her grip on Lexa tightened just enough to give her an answer before Clarke even posed the question. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“You can stay as long as you wish.” The softest brush of lips against her temple was the last thing Clarke registered before she relaxed back into the bed and drifted off.

The morning came too soon, both mind and body still exhausted when a knock came to Lexa’s door just after the sun started to stream in from the windows. Carefully, Lexa wormed her way out of the bed to answer the knock. Clarke simply groaned and tried to bury herself back into the furs, wanting nothing more than to sleep longer.

A blissful answer came moments later when Lexa sat back on the bed, her hand brushing hair from Clarke’s face as she smiled down at her.

“You don’t have to rise just yet. We must go meet with the ambassadors in the war room soon but first I must go see to Indra. She is apparently giving the healers a rough time.” The smirk on Lexa’s lips allowed Clarke to relax, “Rest. I’ll wake you when we must be ready to meet the others.”

Clarke barely watched her leave the bed, another soft kiss to her temple was the song to send her off to sleep. 

It didn’t last long, the mixture of the sun and the knowledge of the talks that would be happening soon had Clarke rising soon after she had fallen back to sleep. Rubbing her eyes, she wandered through Lexa’s room to the couches. She’d only been sitting another few minutes before another knock resounded into the room followed by Octavia’s head.

“Oh good, you’re up.” Clarke simply chuckled and waved to have Octavia come all the way into the room. “Lexa sent me to give you this. She said she’d be up to get ready for the meeting soon but she wanted me to make sure you ate something.”

Clarke snatched the bowl from Octavia’s hands and tried not to meet her smirk, the knowing look in her eyes was already making her squirm in her seat. 

“Thank you.” She spoke around bites of stew, a groan slipping up from her throat after the first bite of real food in over a day. “Can you stop looking at me like that.” Clarke’s tone was deadpan, her eyes rolling moments later when Octavia’s slight chuckle turned into a full blown laugh. Aggravating as it was, it was nice to see Octavia acting this way. 

Clarke knew it wouldn’t last.

“Care to tell me what’s going on between Heda and Wanheda?” That question had Clarke choking slightly on the next spoonful of food, the reaction only sending Octavia into more hysterics. “Come on, Clarke, this is the only good thing happening right now, you have to tell me if you want me to work with her.”

There was the serious tone Clarke had come to know. Under the amusement, Octavia was still wary. She was showing herself a little more, Polis was good for her, but she still didn’t know if she could trust Lexa. It had been strikingly obvious from the moment she’d started telling her the plan but Clarke was grateful she waited until now to question her about it.

“We’re just…” Clarke hesitated, unable to figure out how to put it. Placing the bowl down on the table in front of her, Clarke worried her hands together as a soft sigh slipped from her lips. “I feel like I’ve known her my entire life.” Looking up, she met Octavia’s eyes, her gaze having gone serious even as she softened at the words. “I don’t know what it is we’re doing or what we are but I don’t think I can ever be separated from her.”

Octavia sat down next to her, hand on Clarke’s shoulder when she noticed how nervous she seemed. “What is it?”

Swallowing hard, Clarke turned to her and smiled a ghost of a grin. “I think.. It’s crazy but it feels like I’ve always been drawn to her. I feel like..” Another moment of hesitation passed, the light squeeze from Octavia’s hand prompting her to continue. “I feel like I’ve always loved her even when I didn’t know she existed.”

That brought a gasp from Octavia, her grip tightening a little more before she released her once again. “You love her?”

Clarke’s head fell to her hands, eyes squeezed shut as she rubbed at her temples. “I don’t know. I know I don’t hate her and I know I feel more like myself around her. It gets harder to hide it every moment we’re around one another.” Turning her head, she bit her lip as she gazed at Octavia with frightened eyes. “It scares me how easily I could fall completely in love with her.”

The look in Octavia’s eyes was striking to Clarke, a softness she hadn’t witnessed in a while. “I think I know what you mean.” 

“Lincoln?” Octavia simply nodded, shrugging her shoulders a little as she smiled.

“I can’t explain it, I fell hard and fast for him but it feels like I’ve always loved him. Even when I was afraid or worried, I didn’t let it stop me because it felt right and he was the one person who knew me, who saw me.” Clarke grabbed Octavia’s hand and squeezed, smiling a little when she met her eyes.

“They’ll bring him here. You’ll see him soon.” 

Octavia nodded as she stood, clearing her throat a little. “You should eat the rest of that and get ready, she’ll be coming to get you soon.”

Clarke did as she was told, thinking over Octavia’s words as she went through the motions. To let go of her fear and any leftover anger, to let herself fall, would it really be that easy. Could she let it happen, would she let it happen. Any doubt was slashed from her mind when she thought of the war. What if Lexa died without Clarke having kissed her again? What if Clarke never got to tell her how she felt or hear how Lexa felt for her? What if Clarke missed out on her laughter or her tears, what if she wasn’t able to feel whole if even just for a day.

Lexa could be gone at any time and even if it shattered her down to the very core of her being, Clarke knew if she didn’t let herself fall she would never be able to forgive. The simple fact was that Lexa was in her heart and stitched to her soul, they we’re tied to one another.

The creaking of the door brought her out of her thoughts. Looking up, she caught Lexa’s worried gaze. It occurred to her that she hadn’t changed yet and was simply sitting on the edge of the bed with her pants half off. Flushing, Clarke pulled one of the furs over herself as she licked her lips.

Beneath the worry, Lexa’s eyes held a very real wanting as she looked upon the bare skin of Clarke’s thighs.

Clarke watched as she shook herself out of it and straightened her spine. “Would you like to borrow some clothing? I could also help to fix your braids, if you like.” It took a moment for Clarke to realize Lexa was nervous, a soft red on her cheek all the way down to her chest as her hands fidgeted at her sides.

“How much time do we have?” The sound of her voice started Clarke slightly, it was huskier than she meant for it to be and the flush on her skin deepend.

“Not very, they’re expecting us soon.” Lexa’s response was slow, her eyes watching as Clarke simply stood and kicked off her pants, all modestly seeming to have vanished in the past few moments.

Truthfully, Clarke just wanted to see that look of awe in Lexa’s eyes once again.

“Alright. What can I borrow?” Clarke watched as her voice snapped Lexa out of her slight daze. A smirk formed on Clarke’s lips when Lexa’s blush deepened, her eyes not meeting Clarke’s as she walked past her to find her something to wear. She returned with coal grey pants that had buckles across the thighs and a holder for a knife on one side as well as a simple black shirt. Raising her brow at this as she took in the sight of Lexa’s usual Commander coat, Clarke posed the silent question.

“I have a coat for you. I was going to present it to you the night your people joining the coalition but after what happened, I wanted to wait until things settled down. Now seems as good a time as any.” Lexa was obviously nervous though she was trying to hide it behind the hard mask of the commander. Clarke nodded and dressed quickly as Lexa turned about and moved over to the couches to give her some privacy. Once she emerged, Clarke placed a hand on Lexa’s shoulder to relax her slightly. “It is on the door.”

Turning to the other side of the room, Clarke gasped slightly when she saw the coat set for her. It was similar to Lexa’s though it was slightly shorter and was a deep grey and blue instead of black. Though it lacked the shoulder guard of the commander, it held it’s own form of it, a guard covered with lines of short spikes. The sash that fell from it wasn’t as extravagant as Lexa’s but it was beautiful against the darkness of the jacket, a lighter blue that those woven into the garment itself.

“Lexa..” Clarke was breathless. It was the coat of a commander.

“It is the armor of Wanheda. I hope you’ll wear it proudly as my right hand in this war and beyond within the coalition.” Lexa’s voice had taken on that proud confidence Clarke knew so well, her obvious love of the coat relaxing Lexa’s nerves.

Before she could really over think her actions, Clarke turned to face Lexa, her hands gripping the front of her still open coat. As she pulled up, surprise covered Lexa’s face even as she stood, that confusion melting into awe once Clarke kissed her.

It was soft, a whisper of her lips pressed against Lexa’s but Clarke could feel a wave of calm followed by a wave of heat rush over her. Trembling hands came up to her hair, a barely there touch that seemed afraid to do more than just hover, as if Clarke might disappear if she tried to actually feel her. To answer the hesitation, Clarke pulled her in closer, her lips still just so softly pressed against Lexa’s.

The soft whimper that slipped from Lexa’s throat had Clarke pulling away just enough to settle her forehead against Lexa’s, her entire being softening when she spotted the single tear trailing down her cheek. 

Lexa’s fingers threaded through her hair, now more sure that she wasn’t going to run, and she pressed ever so softly. Questioning and requesting all at once. Are you sure mixed in with please kiss me again.

Clarke answered her with that request, pressing a firmer kiss to her lips, groaning when she felt Lexa press entirely against her.

The touch was electric, her skin felt hot just as Lexa’s lips felt like the softest fire to ever grace her own. Heat rushed through her at the small soft sounds that Lexa couldn’t seem to contain, her surprise and awe pushing past the seams of her control. Clarke didn’t mind it at all, her grip on Lexa tightening when she felt her lips part ever so slightly and the gentle caress of her tongue.

Clarke melted completely into the kiss as she allowed Lexa to deepen it, those needy whimpers turning into needy hands that gripped at her even as she slipped her own beneath Lexa’s jacket to slide around her back. 

They remained there, trading kisses and exploring gently with greedy hands, until another knock at the door had them jolting apart. 

“Heda.”

The simply call of her title had Lexa straightening faster than Clarke, though her soft smile remained even as she settled into her steel spine and steady hand of the commander. 

“We must attend to our people, Clarke.” A shiver shot through Clarke when she heard the husk in Lexa’s voice, the feeling turning into a full body tremble when she spotted the slight bulge in her pants as she buttoned her coat. Lexa pulled her sash in front of her slightly to cover it completely but Clarke knew it was there, knew she’d been the cause.

Still in a slight daze, Clarke followed Lexa to the door to retrieve her own coat, her lips now pulling into a smirk as she settled into the armor. The shift in expression got her a raised brow and soft questioning noise from Lexa that soon turned into a moan muffled by Clarke’s lips as she leaned in to kiss her again, her hips having molded to Lexa’s as she did so.

The ever so slight buck of Lexa’s hips towards her own brought a little sound of satisfaction from Clarke as she pulled away, delighting in the hazy look in Lexa’s eyes.

“We have a meeting to attend to, Heda.”

It took another long moment before Lexa swallowed hard, shaking her head sharply once to try to focus as Clarke opened the door and started towards the elevator. She looked back and tilted her head innocently at Lexa, a soft smile on her lips as she reached her hand back to beckon her along.

Lexa didn’t even seem to mind her discomfort as she allowed Clarke to lead her to the elevator, only to emerge as Heda and Wanheda as they made their way to the war room.


	3. No Decision Made Lightly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO this took longer than I wanted it to but!! I really like it and it's starting to set up the next few chapters which are going to be a little longer, most likely, and filled with a little more conflict as well as the lead up to the actual war~

Voices covered voices, each raising in volume as arguments over possible plans and the number of men and women needed in battle continued without end. Lexa had led the discussion to begin but once she opened the floor for the ambassadors and generals to express their concerns to one another, chaos had erupted. The meeting had been going for over two hours by then, enough time to cause a pounding in Clarke’s temples. 

Lexa seemed unconcerned, though her annoyance also seemed to be growing with each moment of chaotic noise. When Clarke groaned and leaned forward to actually rub at her head, Lexa sighed deeply and threw up her hand to call silence. When that didn’t work, she stood, her voice echoing over the din.

“Em pleni!” Lexa’s hand came down on the table in front of her hard enough to shake it upon its legs. “This meeting is going in circles.” Her voice was rough, harsh and cutting as steel as she met the eyes of every general in the room before sitting back down. 

“Heda. We must march quickly. Waiting a week is foolish!”

“Heda, can we really trust those coming to Polis? How do we know Wanheda will keep her word?”

“Heda, a plan must be made!”

“Heda!” The words were rattling in Clarke’s head as she watched the rage settle onto Lexa’s features. It was subtle, the tick in her brow and the way her lips pulled tight as she ground her teeth, but Clarke could see the cool mask that slipped into place. 

“What do you expect of me then?” The voice that rang out sent shivers through them all, even the largest of the men sitting back in his seat, leaning away from Lexa. “To plan a war, you must all stop acting like branwada goufa!”

“We cannot be expected to discuss complete plans in front of Wanheda!” The representative from Azgeda stood again, looking at Lexa with what Clarke could see was a barely disguised smirk. “How do we know she is not with them? Heda, I must request that you speak to her before-”

The tip of Lexa’s sword was pressed against his throat before he could even register that she’d stood and drawn. Her face was a fortress of steel, eyes like icy shards of glass as her gaze cut through him.

“Wanheda is part of this coalition. She is my right hand and she speaks for herself.” A flick of Lexa’s gaze towards her was all Clarke needed to stand as well, eyes training on her armor as they had when she had first entered the room.

“My allegiance is with Heda.” Clarke’s voice was a close image to Lexa’s, hard and unyielding as stone. Glancing up at the Azgeda representative, she let her lips pull into a wolfish grin, her eyes taking in the frightened expressions of those who only saw her as a bringer of death. “If you do not stand with our cause then you do not stand with Heda.” Leaning forward slightly, Clarke let her smile drop when she saw the slight gulp that had Lexa’s sword just barely moving against his skin. “Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op.”

“The loyalty of Wanheda should not be in question here. She is one of us and she stands with this coalition. This meeting is finished until tomorrow, we will continue after you’ve all decided to speak to one another as leaders.” Lexa’s voice let them know this was the final decision for the day. 

Clarke watched as the others trickled out of the room, her shoulders falling from her aggravated stance when the door closed behind the last of them. Her mind was racing, body still tense as she fell back into her chair. The soft sound of Lexa clearing her throat had Clarke glancing over to see the worried look in her eyes.

“I have an idea on how to help the others in trusting you. They will follow my orders but this may aid in our cause. If you’re agreeable, of course.” She was nervous and Clarke was immediately intrigued, motioning for Lexa to continue with the slight curve of a smile present. “If you were to become Trikru, fully join my people, they would see that you truly mean your words. I was going to present the opportunity to Octavia for staying so loyal through this entire situation, even if she seems to not fully trust me yet, and it may be a good decision for you as well.”

The rambling spilling from Lexa’s lips would have been something to spark a warmth in Clarke’s chest any other day but this, this was a time of reflection as she took in her words. In siding with Lexa, she had taken a stand against her people, against Akradia. To fully separate from her people, those coming to stay as the thirteenth clan, was another matter entirely.

“How long do I have to decide?” The tremble in her voice should have been her weakness but instead it seemed to soften Lexa, the soft bob of her throat as she swallowed the thought of Clarke contemplating this.

“It would need to be done before the war talks are over. Preferably before your people arrive so it will not look as if it is simply for show.” Lexa’s voice seemed to echo in Clarke’s head, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to focus.

Standing on legs that felt like they were made of static, Clarke wobbled for a moment, her hands firmly on the table. This decision could be one to strengthen her or to completely shatter her. The reaction from her friends, her mother, were something she worried about even in the midst of this incoming war.

A soft warmth settled on her hand, Lexa’s fingers trailing soothingly across her skin, and Clarke recoiled as she remembered her actions that morning as well. This was insanity and her decision could not hinge on whatever was going on inside her heart, not when it came to Lexa. A soft gasp to her side let her know of the soft hurt she had inflicted on the commander, a quick look upon her clenched hands and blank face told her she was correct.

The sight of her hands was startling a moment later however when she noticed how tightly Lexa was holding herself. As if she were taking out a punishment on her own skin, as if Lexa was hurt because she’d crossed a boundary with Clarke she hadn’t meant to hit.

A soft pang of affection swirled with pain hit her heart as the idea sprouted in her mind.

“I just need time to think.” Her words felt like weights as they hit, a strangled sound coming from a throat filled to the brim with emotional turmoil. Lexa’s eyes flashed a million things at once before they settled on calm warmth, sunlight on still water, and with a gentle nod, Lexa left her in the war room with her thoughts.

It was a while before Clarke finally felt like she could move; the room had darkened considerably. The walk to her room was long and filled with a silence so potent it said more than any words could ever hope to. This calm dark space, the soft fall of her feet to the floor, lulled Clarke’s heart into a soothing calm she hadn’t felt since before her father had been floated.

In a handful of days this tower had become her home, her peace, and for the first time since she hit the ground, Clarke’s mind fell quiet.

The decision was cemented when she looked out the window down to the city, at the people interacting so easily with one another at trade stands. Octavia ran by with a hoard of small children and a blinding smile on her face that Clarke could see even from that height.

Quickly, she made her way down the hall to Lexa’s door, not willing to allow her mind to second guess her heart. This was what she wanted, what she needed, and her people were down below on the ground.

Lexa’s surprised but pleased expression sent her heart into a tizzy, pounding so loud she feared the other girl would hear it beating through her skin. Closing her eyes, Clarke swallowed to try to find her voice. She felt overwhelmed, overstimulated, and Lexa was another shock to the system. Though this time, she didn’t reach out to touch her in her worry.

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice brought her out of her daze, their eyes meeting for a moment that seemed to say everything that was stuck in Clarke’s throat. “We can inform the others tomorrow. The ceremony is simple. It is usually a ceremony for warriors coming of age so you will need to be tattooed to represent your loyalty to Trikru, your promise to your people that you will fight with them. Will that be alright?”

Another moment of slow breathing passed, Clarke’s hands rubbing against her thighs as she tried to clear the dizzy feeling in her head, “That’s fine.” Finding her voice again, Clarke looked up to Lexa with a determined glint in her eyes. “Can it be anything?”

“It is a design of the warriors choice, yes, as long as it has meaning to you.” Lexa’s head quirked to the side, her brow furrowing slightly. Clarke nearly swooned at the slight twitch of her lips, a hidden smile that made her knees weak.

“I know what I want to get then.” Clarke nodded to Lexa, taking a step back to give her heart a break. “Octavia should be told before the meeting tomorrow. You should rest, Heda, I’m going to head to bed myself.”

A wave of something akin to regret hit Clarke when she saw Lexa’s face fall before she simply nodded, her eyes holding that affection that harbored the ghost of a pain so deep Clarke felt she may drown in it.

“Goodnight, Wanheda.” Lexa’s voice was soft and Clarke wanted to cry at the way it curled around her like a warm blanket. The door closed in the next moment, bringing a wave of cold with it, and Clarke made her way down to her room on shaky legs.

Her world was tilting on its axis, changing even as she breathed in the candle warmed air. The idea of becoming a grounder, of becoming part of Trikru completely was one half thrilling free fall into peace of mind and one half terrifying slow motion crash into a wall made of the sharp words of her people.

Mind spinning with the possible consequences of her choice as well as the possible opportunities, Clarke fell onto her bed, the coolness of the furs a stark contrast to the feel of the warmth from the night before. Sighing into the pillow, Clarke closed her eyes and tried to calm the thundering of her heart.

The darkness of the room greeted Clarke’s eyes when she opened them next, candles extinguished while the moon hid behind the clouds. The next moment hit her with the smell of blood and dirt, a grime coating her hands and face, and it carried a wind of terror that froze Clarke to her bones.

A beat of the wardrums, the pounding stomp of an army, and the cacophony of voices all shouting for their commander wound together to create the symphony that rushed into Clarke’s ears as she left her room. No; left her tent, the cool brush of leaves in the breeze against her arms told her as much before her eyes did. A door, stark steel against a background of trees, and an army trembling with their want of blood.

The sight brought Clarke to her knees, eyes clenching shut against the view of the mountain.

Warmth set in a moment later, the trembling in her soul slowing for a moment as she soaked in the feeling. A scream tore through the air when she opened her eyes a moment later to see the crimson, slick and hot, coating her body. Her hands dripped with the overflow, a pool of blood collecting at her feet as if she were a saint of all the horror in the world. Bodies surrounded her, some of them burned while others were filled with the scars of radiation, and Clarke could feel the shaking of the tombstones in her soul, her own ghosts waking to come back to life in her pain.

Her eyes closed tight once again when a sound came from them all, laughter and screams mixing together as they came from slack jaws and empty lungs. Another scream came from her own throat, loud and pitched as if she could shut out any other noise.

When her eyes opened again she was shooting up in bed, a gasp catching in her throat as the warmth of tears against her cheeks dripped down her chin. Clarke’s wild eyes shot around the room, taking in the normal appearance and the candles that still burned soothingly. Another warmth filtered into her consciousness a second later, an accompanying voice calming the next scream building in her throat.

“It’s okay, Clarke. You’re safe.” Lexa’s hand lifted from her shoulder once the words were out, the slight dip where her knee had been resting on the bed smoothed out as she stood. “I heard you scream, I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Clarke nodded, her muscles working stiffly as her hand moved up to rub away the traces of tears on her cheeks. Blinking away the last remnants of her dream, Clarke sighed and hugged her legs to her chest. 

“I’m okay. Thank you for waking me though, Lexa.” The resulting smile that her words brought her soothed a small amount of pain in her chest. It told her Lexa wasn’t upset with her, she understood, and she was there for her.

Just as Clarke had been for her. Just as she had promised she would be that night when she fell to her knees to proclaim her loyalty to Clarke.

“Lexa?” A soft hum was her only response and Clarke could clearly see the exhaustion in her, how Lexa’s eyes lazily moved to meet her own. “Can I come to your room again?”

That woke her up slightly, worry filtering into her gaze once again. Nodding, Lexa simply held out a hand for Clarke to take, her hand latching on tightly as she followed her out of the room where the graveyard in her soul stole her sleep.

Lexa’s bed was warm, inviting, and before Clarke knew it, they were wrapped in soft furs while they lay comfortably next to one another. The space between them was enough as their hands stayed linked, Lexa’s presence helping to chase away any more nightmares as she drifted back to sleep.

This time when she woke, it was quietly and slowly, her mind registering that she was alone in the bed when her hand moved to slide across a cool pillow. Sitting up, Clarke rubbed her eyes as she scanned the room for Lexa. She found her settled on one of the couches, her body hunched over two maps. Sliding out of the bed, Clarke padded over to sit next to her, her tired body leaning back against the armrest. Lexa’s soft smile at how their legs pressed together wasn’t lost on Clarke.

“How long have you been up?” Still scratchy with sleep, Clarke’s voice was barely audible but Lexa turned to look her in the eyes. A hand raised to brush hair from Clarke’s face, hesitating only a moment before she saw the consent from slowly brightening blue.

“Not long. We have much to do today, planning some of the things I would like to say in the war room will be helpful. If I present them with a solid place to start then the news of our decision may not bring as big of reaction as I am expecting.” Lexa’s nervous eyes scanned Clarke’s face, her shoulders relaxing slightly when she didn’t find any regret. “They may want try to get the ceremony done tonight. I’m going to tell them it is set for tomorrow but if you are alright with moving quickly, we may hold the ceremony tonight if they fight for that.”

The spinning in Clarke’s head from the night before was absent in the crisp morning air, her mind quiet and her body at peace. “Tonight would be fine if they push for it.” A slight smile tugged at Clarke’s lips when she saw Lexa’s obvious relief. “Now tell me some of these new plans before we get ready to go be leaders.” Her playful tone seemed to relax Lexa further even as her expression fell serious and her hands immediately went to the maps in front of them.

They arrived late to the meeting, eyes harsh even as their bodies nearly vibrated with excitement and nerves. A small plan had been worked up, something that Lexa lay down before anyone could even say a word.

It did, in fact help smooth over their announcement. 

It did not deter them from suggesting it be done immediately.

Mere hours later, Clarke’s hands shook as she applied charcoal to her eyes, copying the design she had applied the night she had bowed before Lexa. The night Lexa had bowed to her.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to quiet the tremble that was settled deep in her bones. Night had fallen, the time had come for Clarke to join Trikru alongside Octavia. Her coat was buttoned to the top, the sash on her shoulder guard flowing freely behind her as she took one more steadying moment before she walked out into the night air of Polis.

A large crowd had formed around a gathering area behind the tower, a fire burned hot in the middle of it all with Lexa standing proud next to the flames. Indra stood by her side, face impassive, though slightly softened as she looked mildly hopeful, while Titus remained slightly behind her with a slight scowl on his face. Clarke felt Octavia walk up next to her and their eyes met to tell the same story of fear and hope. 

Then Clarke took the first step, following the cheering of the crowd towards the warm, proud look that Lexa was giving her. A smile tugged at her lips and she sucked in another breath, letting the mix of wood smoke and trees and the spark of excitement fill her lungs.

Octavia followed and came to walk by her side, their arms brushing slightly in a sign of support. Clarke welcomed the extra strength, felt it warm her even more than the fire they were walking towards. Then Octavia turned to her just before they stood before Lexa, mere feet before the place they would truly become one of these people, and settled any lingering fearful doubts in her heart with four simple whispered words.

“We’re finally home, Clarke.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have a sort of outlined plan but if you have any ideas or requests for this fic, please tell me.
> 
> I'm taking other fic requests and prompts at my tumblr: lexasglitterdick
> 
> ALSO I COULD USE YOUR HELP
> 
> if you like my fics and would want to request one or just be super generous, if you could donate or tip to my paypal at m.jones826@yahoo.com i would be super appreciative!! you don't have to at all, please don't feel obligated or pressured to, I just wanted to throw this out there!!


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